Robert Borkenstein

He put his lips around police equipment.

So, Dyna has some issues with her local municipality. If I remember correctly, the Chudder had a run-in long, long ago. Any ways, since I seem to be running out of things to talk about in regards to myself, I might as well use any and all excuses to do some abstract exposition, eh?

Traffic infractions. If you are a driver, there is a chance that you have encountered your friendly local policeman by the side of the road. Be it the burnt out head-light, the poor choice of getting behind a wheel when you shouldn't have, being late for work and going a little over the posted limit, or pushing the envelope on a yellow light, the inevitable eventually catches up with all of us.

Of course, traffic infractions for the most part are innocent. A burnt headlight won't be noticed on most vehicles, due to the fact that one headlight is bright enough on most occasions. Of course, this little gift to municipal coffers has its days numbered. LED headlights are coming. They may not be standard for years, but I would bet you that you can get them, now. LEDs don't burn out in any reasonable lifespan of any vehicle.

Now, drunk-driving... a 0.08 BAC is the standard limit for most of the United States. Now, a person can metabolize about 0.015 to 0.020 percent of alcohol an hour. Which means that the old 0.1 and 0.08 limits are essentially one hour apart from one another.

Now, for a 180 pound male, that means to reach 0.1, he would need to drink four drinks within an hour. Either four shots of 80 proof, four small glasses of wine, four cans of beer, or some combination thereof. For a 120 pound female, she would need to drink three drinks.

Which means that, rule of thumb, three or four drinks in an hour, an hour before you can drive. If you want to get silly, drink eight drinks or so in two hours, and stay for two more hours. If everyone followed these rules, no one would ever get screwed by a trooper, ever again.

Now, speeding, well, there are different types of speeding. Following the rate of traffic on an interstate is one of those kinds of speeding that you really should do, because maintaining the legal limit causes more problems than it solves. Troopers LOVE this fact of life. If you get a ticket for doing 85 in a 70 zone, you are screwed. There really is no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I really don't have any advice for you, except... don't ever go faster than 77 miles an hour if you feel like there may be troopers ahead.

Now, surface streets, this is a bit of a gray area. Generally, most people stick to the posted limit for these roads. However, if you DO need to get where you are going, use cruise control and set it for three miles faster than the posted limit. If you DO get pulled over, contest it. Say that a three mile an hour discrepancy could be the result of a faulty speedometer on your car, some kind of artifact within the officer's actual equipment, or a one and a half mile difference affecting both your car and the officer. More than likely, the officer won't even show up to defend a three mile an hour ticket.

Now, running yellow lights? Just don't. Just... don't.