Stephanie Tyler Garvin

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All right, togas. I can bang out 300 words on togas. Wait... I can bang out 300 words on the pros and cons of returning the popularity of togas for daywear... or something to that effect.

Ok, first off, what is a toga, exactly? In simple terms, a toga is a sash perhaps twenty feet long that you wrap around your body and is generally worn over a tunic. Thank you, Wikipedia. Now, Ancient Romans wore them, and considering the mild climate of Italy, the lack of modern industry to create the various cuts and stitchings that modern styles require, it is easy to understand why they used togas.

In recent times, "togas", or rather, large beach towels, have become popular at fraternity, sorority, and drunken bored twenty-something parties. This has transpired mostly due to the cult film "Animal House" featuring John Belushi. In that classic film, a scene in which debauchery, alcohol, and well... a frickin' orgy broke out at a "toga" party. I suppose the possibility of orgiastic feasting and imbibing could be considered either a pro or a con, depending on how one feels about such things.

Any ways, Let's focus on real togas, shall we? A big pro for me is that they are uni-sex. Is this toga yours, or your life-partner's? Who cares?! It's a toga! Moreover, they would be easy to clean, and since they wrap around your body, you could flip them over, giving you two days worth of wear time. Finally, if you are the first person on the block and or in the cubicle farm to adopt a toga, you can be rest assured that you will get plenty of attention.

All right, now for the cons. I think the biggest one for me, is that I live in frickin' Michigan. It is currently fourteen degrees fahrenheit, and it feels line it is one degree below zero. Translated into Celsius, that is "Go fuck yourself, and buy a real thermometer". A toga in this environment would make things on my anatomy shrink and may indeed preface a visit to the hospital. Another big one is the lack of really being able to accessorize your toga all that much. I mean, let's face it... you're wearing what could double as drapes for your window. Sure, you can have different colors, it could be tie-dyed, even, but there is something to be said for the comfort of a cotton t-shirt or sweatshirt. Finally, without help, I think it would be a bitch to put on. All the single people would have to buy some weird toga holding rig. Which, of course, would be another subtle reminder that they are, in fact, utterly alone.

So, let's review. A toga is universal, easy to clean, can pull double duty, and will get you attention. It will also facilitate hypothermia in inclement weather, doesn't match with anything, and would be another piece of propaganda for the idea of being with someone just to be with someone.

I don't think they are coming back any time soon.