Samantha Bee

She is an asshole.

Samantha Bee gained marginal fame on "The Daily Show" as a "Chief (whatever) Correspondent". Any way, she is trying to turn that fame into cash through commercial endorsements. So, what? That's what entertainers are supposed to do, right? How does this make her an asshole?

She tried to make me eat shit.

See, whats she is dong nowadays is going about the country to "Hidden Valleys", some of them towns, some of them golf courses, and feeding people Kraft ranch. Obviously, since these are commercial messages, the people of the Hidden Valleys all love Kraft ranch dressing. No big surprise, and the whole "Hidden Valley" connection is a sideways swipe at the leader of the ranch dressing market. It seems clever enough for an entertainer's endorsement, right? Well... there's just one small problem.

Kraft ranch dressing tastes like shit. It is what I would feed terror suspects if I wanted them to suffer. I would shake a bottle in their face, and the motherfuckers would strap themselves down and throw water on their faces.

Samantha Bee, if you ever read this, let me be absolutely clear. I hope you get lost in the wilderness and break your leg. I hope that you have to drag yourself and your necrotic, gangrenous limb through thick brush for days. I hope that when you do find a clearing, it is populated by a pack of starving wolves, and that the last thing that goes through your mind while they are tearing at your flesh is, "someone thought this was a just punishment for my sins".

I hope all of that happens, because you tried to make me eat shit.

Jerry Seinfeld

"Bee Movie" might be fun. "Seinfeld" re-runs... aren't.

Ok, have you guys noticed a lack of bees in your neck of the woods? It might have something to do with Colony Collapse Disorder. What is CCD? Well, put simply, apiarists open up a hive one day, and there are nearly no workers. The queen is still inside the hive, so the colony didn't swarm.

The workers just... left the hive, and didn't come back. Now, there are a lot of theories going on that are trying to explain what is happening, but the long and short of it is that a third of all commercial bees in North America... have died. As one might imagine, this is bad news.

Now, bees fertilize a third of the food we eat, as well as a great deal of wild flowering plants. We NEED bees. Now, I am all about ideas. I don't just tell you bad news for no reason. So, I have a suggestion.

Organic farmers, who maintain their own bees, are doing much better than commercial, ship-the-bees-all-over-creation-and-hope-for-the-best big operations. If you can, I would urge you to buy food at a local co-op. Food that is certified organic.

It will cost more. In some cases, much more. However, on balance, buying local food and paying more for it is better than letting huge agribiz outfits control your food stream... agribiz outfits that can't even keep their bees alive.

I'm just sayin'...