Sam Walton

He is one of history's most successful sociopaths.

So, Kim likes getting packages in the mail, and she likes seeing others open packages. So, she saw that Sam's Club offered free sampler packages online, and thought that she would surprise me. Kim is a sweet, thoughtful, loving woman, and I am lucky to have her. I feel bad about what I did to her thoughtful act.

See, Sam's Club is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Wal-Mart corporation. I compare Wal-Mart in the global economy to malignant cells in an organism's body. For a while, both entities can tolerate having the abomination in their midst, but there comes a time when the tipping point has past.

Any way, Kim figured the gift that she acquired for me would go something like this....

****Queue into harp music and bleed-in to scene****

K: Here's a package for you, Honey.

S: Oh, yeah? Cool!

K: I got it online for you. It did not cost us anything.

S: Awesome! Body Wash! It Smells Nice!

*******Queue outro harp music and fade to black********

Unfortunately, it went like this....

****You know the drill*****

K: Here's a package for you, Honey.

S: (Seeing that it's from Sam's Club) WHAT?!

K: Jeez! You don't need to open it!

S: No, let me see it. (holding it like one would handle a rotting squirrel) I most assuredly did not order... this.

K: I ordered it. It didn't cost us anything. I won't do it again.

S: No, it's... ok. (Opens package).

K: You don't need to open it...

S: (After smelling the body wash) Agh! It's burning my nostrils!

*****Horn playing "wah wah wah wah", fade to black******

Yeah. I kind of suck.